The Fear of Rejection

How often have you wanted to do or say something, but stopped yourself because of the fear of rejection?

But what exactly is rejection?

Rejection is often described as dismissal — not being accepted, wanted, desired or loved. But what does rejection mean to you?

Is rejection simply being told “no”?

When you feel rejected, notice what meaning you add to the situation. For example, you might ask someone to go somewhere with you and they say no. What happens next? Do you find yourself thinking, “Maybe they don’t like me,” or “They think my idea is silly”?

The “no” itself is one thing. The meaning we attach to that “no” can become something very different.

How does the fear of rejection show up in your relationships? Do you hold back from saying what you really think or asking for what you want because you’re afraid of how the other person might respond?

And have you ever considered that, in trying to protect yourself from rejection, you might also be rejecting yourself — by not allowing your thoughts, ideas, needs or desires to be expressed?

What if we reframed the idea of rejection?

What if we could recognise that an idea can be unaccepted, while you are still very much accepted?

Someone can disagree with you without rejecting you.

Someone can say no to an invitation without rejecting who you are.

Someone can dislike an idea without disliking you.

Perhaps the challenge is learning to recognise that someone can say no to you without saying no to who you are.

A “no” can be about a moment, a choice, a preference or a circumstance — it doesn’t have to define how someone feels about you as a whole.

Perhaps this is where we can begin to soften our relationship with rejection: by allowing a “no” to simply be a “no”, rather than turning it into a story about our worth, our relationships or who we are.

- Caneisha Searchwell-Bailey